How To Become A Vampire- In Just 25 Easy Steps!

Ever wanted to go Twilight style?  Well now you can!

1.  Try to avoid the sun as much as you can for about... well, all of your life.  No tans allowed!
2.  Find some sort of file so that you can shave your canines down to little sharp points.
3.  Buy red contacts.
4.  You need to grow your fingernails out a bit, and once they're long, those too can be shaved to points.
5.  Get used to eating your meat extremely rare.  Unless you become a veggie vampire!
6.  This isn't really necessary, but if you can, dye your hair black.
7.  Become immortal
8.  Avoid garlic
9.  Also, avoid wooden stakes
10.  Don't let people tear your head off!
11.  If you fall into a fire pit... you most likely die.. so don't do that.
12.  Hmmm.... while I'm on the topic of avoiding death, watch out for Vampire Disease.
13.  Silver is bad for you.
14.  Wear dark clothing.  It looks spookier!
15.  This, by far, is the MOST IMPORTANT step.  You need to go to a drug store, and buy Olay      Quench Body Lotion.  This stuff makes you sparkle in the sun!!!
16.  Now I'm on a Twilight theme, so... Avoid people like Bella!  You know the type, insecure, bad    actors, emotionless demons, etc.  They just seem to screw up everyone's vampire plans!  Plus then you'll have all these people wanting to drink her blood, and that will bring on all sorts of other problems.  So no human boyfriend/girlfriends!      
17.  If the rare situation does come along, then just go ahead and make your girlfriend a vampire already!  It'll save you tons of trouble, trust me.
18.  Werewolves... they're so frickin hott!  I'm sorry vampires, but you just can't hold a candle to them.  No way.  But in the meantime, just play nice with them, okay?  I don't want to hear about any fighting!
20.  You need to develop some sixth sense skills.. Because that makes you a cool vampire.  Figure out how to see the future, or read people's mind's or something.  You might want to start by realizing that I skipped number 19... ;)
21.  Load up on as many vampire movies as possible.  If you wanna play the part, ya gotta figure out what that part is first.
22.  Cardio!  You have got to become extra fast now.  It's what vampires do, deal with it.
23.  Also, try to become really good at climbing trees.
24.  Becoming really strong wouldn't hurt either.....
25.  It is really important not to let humans find out that you are a vampire!  So, for this reason, I must force you to become a loner.  It's better for you, trust me.
26.  Lastly, enjoy your vampire skills in utter solitary confinement!  Have a good time! :)


If you're like me and really aren't a major Twilight teen girl fanatic, that's alright too!  I just thought this would be entertaining :)