Well...

First things first:  I spent about thirty minutes composing a beautifully long, endless paragraph all about myself.  It was basically every random thing I could think of that had to do with my identity as a person jam packed into a Note on Facebook.  Then my computer jammed up, had a hyperventilation/asthma attack, and I lost everything.  So I wrote a new Note, this one specifically about the one thing that's been on my mind and been frustrating me recently.  Love.  I've decided to put it here as well, for my beloved blog readers. And maybe, just maybe, I'll retype my "Me" in a long paragraph bomb, if I get around to it.

I am a total crazy obsessive mess. I am naive, and vulnerable, and afraid of falling and geting hurt. I absolutely hate texting, because you can try as hard as you would like, but texting will never compare to a face to face conversation. Real conversations require emotions, and feelings, and sincerity. It's too easy to misinterpret electronic words, and I have an awful tendency to overthink things and fill my head with doubts. Despite all that, when I'm texting that certain person, the second my phone buzzes I have a mini seizure, hurrying to grab it and find out what they've said. Whenever I see them my face illuminates with a smile, and I forget my fears. But alone with myself I tell myself it'll never happen, and I'm being too optimistic. I am normally an incredibly positive person, but for some reason, when it comes to love, I completely fall apart. I have only initiated the first hug with a guy once in my entire history of ever. It's pathetic, and lame, because even though I love being spontaneous and outgoing, I am really truly very shy. I hate waiting, but I won't ever do anything about that, because I'm afraid of appearing too forward, and for that reason I think I've missed out on multiple pontential friendships, something I regret. I'm skeptical, and doubtful, but that being said I can get swept off my feet very easily. I love a guy who is a gentleman, but at the same time I'm too afraid to trust and let my walls come down. I need someone who isn't afraid to do what they want, is outgoing and crazy, and isn't afraid to take a chance, because all of those things scare me, and they''re things I wish I was myself. I confuse myself- a lot- and rely on hour long convesations on the phone with my therapist and best friend to get me through these crazy times. And then, after all is said and done, I write myself a very long paragraph with too much information that no one needs to know or care about. But I don't mind, because this is how I organize my thoughts. It's a mini letter to myself, just to let me know that as insane as I am, there's at least one person who kinda gets it. And that's me. If you actually read this, you're probably more convinced than ever that I am mentally insane... If you know me I guess it'll be easier to understand.


And that's that.  I know, I'm insane.  But hopefully I'm not alone, hah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo